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What the Hell is Marriage

The struggles of being a wife...

What does it mean to be a wife or to be married? I think for me, it boils down to this:

  • Promising to one another that you will work together to make it work

  • Promise to God that you will abide by the bullet above

Typing that out, it seems so simple. However, as most married couples will tell you, it's not. No two people are just alike. Hell, even siblings raised by the same parents are the same. We are each our own person with our own quirks, habits, weaknesses, and strengths. So when two people agree to to work together for the rest of their lives, there will be hardships.

My husband and I are very different. We were raised different and led very different lives. In my about section, I talk about what happened today and that is why I am truly in my feelings.

Right now, I find myself with a million and one questions like:

  • Am I feeling this way because of my actions

  • Did I give myself (and him) time to truly heal before we got married

  • Did I make him marry me before he was ready even though he was the one that proposed

  • Will my husband ever learn to spoil me the way he is spoiled - and if he doesn't, will we really ever be happy

  • Is there a reason why I haven't been able to get pregnant

  • Is this God's way of telling me that we are not ready - and will we ever be

With everything that happened, I am having doubts about my ability to uphold my side of the promise. And I am afraid...

Afraid that the future I desperately wanted will never happen. Afraid that the life I have been working toward every day is a lie. My fear is will be too late before I understand what I should do next in this situation.

So for now, I am giving our marriage space.

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