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I Have to Believe that Everythings Happens for a Reason

It's crazy that 5 days ago, I made a post about the New Year and how everything happens for a reason. I also mentioned that everything happens for a reason and ectopic pregnancies.

I must admit that this post is so hard to type. Believe it or not, that same day, I ended up going to the emergency room. But let me tell you the story...

Monday, January 3, was my first day back at work from the holidays. Some time after 2 pm, I started cramping but not too bad or anything, The day took a turn for the worse at 3:22 pm when I went pee. I went pee, wiped, found blood, then had a complete breakdown. All I could keep thinking was:

  • Why is this happening?

  • Please let my baby be okay.

  • Dear Lord, please don't do this to me

I called bestie AQ (she's a nurse) who told me to call my husband in the bathroom. Through my tears, pain, and anguish I was able to eventually call my husband's name.

I am sure that poor man was so confused when he walked in on me crying hysterically on the phone. Bestie AQ told him to take the phone and she told him that he needed to take me to the emergency room now. Bestie AQ and her husband had to coach my poor husband on how i needed to calm down and breathe. Through teary eyes, I was able to get dressed and head to the doctor.

Apparently everyone in the city was sick cause the er was PACKED. Once I checked in, I sat in the waiting room an hour before they took my vitals. Then an hour after that, got blood drawn for tests. Then another hour and a half after that I got an ultrasound. After each of these events, I went back into the waiting room. Approximately 5 hours after arriving, a doctor comes into the waiting room and called my name. He walked up to me, what felt like in slow motion. He then proceeds to tell me that the ultrasound showed that I was having an ectopic pregnancy and that the baby was growing in my fallopian tube. (Instant breakdown since I knew what that meant. In the book my husband and I were reading they said that ectopic pregnancies had to be terminated). He also said that they were preparing a room for me and the OBGYN would come and talk to me.

I hope no one reading this has had to go to the emergency room, but if you had, you would know that during all this time, I was sitting alone, and in pain, because visitors were not allowed inside.

So fast forward 30 mins and I am finally in a room and the doctor has come to see me. She says that she has already spoken to the Operating Room (OR) and they are getting things ready for my surgery. WTH! The doctor informed me that there was a chance that they may be able to just remove the baby but that that there was a chance that my left fallopian tube was damaged and may have to be removed as well.

Off to surgery I went...

Upon waking up, the surgeon informed me that they had to remove my fallopian tube with the baby due to the damage it had. They gave me drugs and home I went.

This post took a while to write because

  1. I was in too much pain to sit up and type

  2. I knew it would force me to write about one of the worse days of my life so far

So where am I today?

Honestly, I am still in pain, can barely move without my stomach hurting me to the point of tears.I have moments when I feel like giving up on everything. I have moments of okayness. I have moments of doubting I will ever be the same which leads me to thoughts of my husband leaving me. I question, "why me" anytime I see someone posting their newborns. I get angry anytime I see an email from bumpboxes knowing I have no need for a pregnancy subscription box. I have a crying session every time I see that someone else I know is pregnant.

Through it all, I have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason....

However, all I know is that a new struggle has begun...and it's real.

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